Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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