My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
