i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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