I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
