just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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