I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
