i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
