what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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