Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
