But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
