Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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