I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
