If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
