There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
