Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
