FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
