Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
