He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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