No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
