New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
