you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
