i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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