you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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