I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
