the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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