garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
