He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
