I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
