from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
how drunk are you?
Several
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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