having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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