Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
