Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
