Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
