wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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