How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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