Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
