my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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