Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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