One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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