HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
