redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
