I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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