You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
