I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just had sex bonerless
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
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