I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
