Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
