TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
