Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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