quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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