I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
