I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
