history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
