I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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