He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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