i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
