i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
