Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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