Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
