Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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